2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
