S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
