At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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