Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
