I want to walk on stilts...naked
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
