Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
