She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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