Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
