...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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