I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My ATM looks so different sober.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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