Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
