NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
