I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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