He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I AM VODKA MAN
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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