So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
