Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I AM VODKA MAN
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
