she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
my liver is dry heaving
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