I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
