i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
