you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
