She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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