I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
