Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
PANTIES FOUND
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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