Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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