i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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