I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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