winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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