This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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