Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
