I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
