u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
