so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
