her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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