Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
