this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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