opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
