If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
