I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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