Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
