She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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