I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
