The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
