So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
