dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
