I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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