I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
