The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
