no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
