Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Im part way to drunk.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
