remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Randomize
