There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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