Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
